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Disappointed once again

You are teaching me to do things for myself
That only I will treat myself as good as I do

And I suppose
I thank you for that
Even though I am
Disappointed once again

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Perhaps I am biased

But
Reading my own poetry
Moves me

As I invite the words inside of me
The emotion
That was infused
From the syntax
And lexical field

Just overwhelms me with emotion

I am proud
That my writing
has moved one person

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I do hope that I am a light
Some kind of beauty
Some reason for them to be around me

I do hope
That my place in the group
Is of enough status
That my absence is noticed

I do hope
That I am beautiful
From the inside out
That I am some
Enlightend
Glowing
Attractive
Radiant
being

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This I am proud of

For its persistence
And I am proud of it all.

Of this expansive collection
Of all the best and worst thoughts
That I can articulate

Placed in this neat little website
For your viewing pleasure

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I feel lost

Like I’ve lost the vision that I was working towards
That I do not know where to go
Where to even start

Too many ideas
Too many decisions

It all makes me feel so powerless