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I simmer

With the heat of being Alive

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That is the punch line
That I don’t actually want you to go
That I do still love you
And
I hate you for making it so easy to push you away
I hate you for not trying
I hate you for being terrible at communicating, and making no effort to change it
Even when there was incentive

I hate you for making it so hard for me
As if I am trying to read the lines on a static television

And perhaps the truth that I don’t want to face
Would be,
That I fell in love with the person I saw you could be
And Then
I was disappointed when you were not that
And when you did not want to be that
When you did not even try
When you did not ask for help
When you condemned yourself

I hate you
And I miss you
And I hate that I had to be in this position
And I hate that I know I will be better off

Perhaps it was destined to work out this way
And in that case
I suppose my sadness
And my not sadness
Was destined too

And if I could
I would have taught you everything I have learned
And if I could
I would have given you all of my love
And if I could
I would have asked for what I wanted
And I wonder how that would have turned out
Would that have made any difference

Would you disappear if I asked politely?

Goodbye my darling

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Learn to Love Yourself

Because:
1. You know yourself better than anyone else does. So you know exactly what you need and when you need it. You can be the best caretaker of you.
2. You are with yourself for the rest of your time. Do you really want to spend it in a war that nobody wins?
3. You have a limitless supply of love. And you are just as deserving of love as anyone else.
4. You are extraordinary, and the universe created you because it needed you. The universe loves you. And you deserve to love yourself.

I love you.
Unconditionally.

And I hope
You can carry love with you
Always.

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There’s this strange
Heaviness
Inside of me

I cannot place it

And it’s strange
Because I know that I am me
That I have everything I need
And yet,
I still long for more
I still long for more

And all these memories of him
Just pile up
And settle in my stomach
So I cannot eat
Without feeling sick
So I cannot walk
Without my leg hurting